i'll admit that i was more disappointed than i thought that i would be ... ever since attaining my Boston qualifying time i said that regardless of whether or not i make it to the start line in hopkinton that i would be satisfied knowing that i'd met their standard. and i would say that from an intellectual standpoint that perspective remains true.
maybe it was the lag time between achieving my BQ and actually having the opportunity to register that left me with the space to imagine/envision actually being there. perhaps it was the fact that they had more spots open to qualified runners than in 2012 that gave me a faint sense of hope. either way it wound up that i had actually put eggs in the basket that was not in my grasp yet - and thus the letdown blow.
numerous people have expressed their own form of 'condolence' or encouragement upon hearing about my status as a non-entrant, all of which i appreciate. some have said that they are confident that i can better even my currently posted marathon PR time; others have pointed out what i'd already known, that should i aim for the 2016 Boston Marathon i will move up to the next age category for which the qualification time will be 3:25:00.
the question that remains for me is 'do i?'.
achieving my BQ time of 3:14:43 was the result of focused physical training, but also the product of unfocused psychological training.
i didn't set my sights on qualifying for Boston.
for several years now i'd been pushing to hit that mark, and falling short. in fact at this time last year i ended up running the worst marathon that i'd run since my first one - i seemed to moving backwards instead of forwards. in light of that, i decided that i'd put too much pressure on myself to attain this high level of athletic performance and that i needed to back off.
focus on something else ... like running my first ultra.
and as part of my training, i would run a marathon. the result was a BQ time.
so i've decided to play another game of reverse psychology, or at least goal management. i've removed 'running in the Boston Marathon' from my list of ambitions.
maybe i'm just not meant to get there.
maybe i am.
either way, i'm not going to put energy into thinking about what it might be like or when it will happen.
for now it's back to the drawing board - and focusing on putting one foot in front of the other.
(only faster)
#GOlikeneverbefore
Obsessing over our goals can sometimes suck the joy out of running. I seem to go through phases - sometimes I'm very focussed on preparing for a particular race; sometimes I just run for the pleasure of it.
ReplyDeleteBut I try to keep coming back to 'joy' - even when I'm racing. It's become my mantra, if you like; I tape the word to my top tube when I'm doing a triathlon. I want to remind myself that it's a privilege to be able to take part in these contests, to have a body that functions and responds to training, to push ourselves to our physical limits, and even sometimes to conquer them.
Nevertheless, my condolences for not being accepted to Boston. Let's go and do a completely fun run in the wilderness sometime this fall.
thanks trevor - the conversations that we've had during our training runs continue to resonate with me. i highly respect you as an athlete and a keen intellect, so your words will be taken seriously to heart.
Deletethat, and we definitely need to go get lost in the woods sometime soon!
You're right Patrick, you'll get there if you're meant to be there. Just have fun and enjoy the ride...errr...run :)
ReplyDeletewill do mike! and in the meantime checking out your training times will keep me humble ...! :)
DeletePatrick this sucks. You have proven what you can do. On the plus side you have helped and inspired many of us along the way.
ReplyDeletethanks jason - i'm glad that there is such a great running community around me. that totally is a huge part of the enjoyment factor for me!
DeleteI'm sorry Patrick, this race has gotten too popular. Maybe, it is not the type of event we would enjoy if we did attend. The ultras and smaller road races are a better fit I think... What matters most is that you met their standards and no one can take that achievement away from you!
ReplyDeletethanks anna - and not to worry! i appreciate all the encouragement and support. i know that these are all first-world runner problems, so i gotta keep that all in perspective!
DeleteHey dude. I don't even know what to say. Boston can't take your 3:14 away from you so whether you end up running it or not, it will be on your own terms. sorry to hear bud. Keep on running!
ReplyDeleteit's cool stan - i know that i've still gots lot to learn about what it means to be a good runner, and there are so many excellent teachers around me ... beginning with you!
DeleteSorry to hear this. Good luck with whatever you decide to do next.
ReplyDelete:( what a bummer .. you work so hard then you don't get in. As the saying goes, 'there's always next year." Good luck with your training and figuring out what's next!
ReplyDelete